One of the things God has been showing me is that I don't like to be alone.  Trouble being that even in the most crowded room, the most vibrant church community, and even the most intimate relationship we are alone.  Others can never fully know us, our thoughts, questions, fears.  There are inevitably things of our heart and journey that can only be fully known by God Himself.  Ironically, while I am prone to run from this aloneness into the business of 'good deeds', 'necessary tasks', and 'the work of ministry' it is alone with Christ that I find life to the full.

It's into this between my need for quiet presence of God, and the consistency with which I run from it that the words of Psalm 37 brought me to deep places of prayer this morning.

"Commit everything you do to the Lord,

Trust Him and He will help You.

He will make your innocence as clear as the dawn

And the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.

 

Be still in the presence of the Lord,

And wait patiently for Him to act.

Don't worry about evil people who prosper

or fret about their wicked schemes.

 

The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord.

He delights in every detail of their lives.

Though they stumble, they will not fall,

For the Lord Holds them by the hand."

 

Psalm 37. 6-7; 23

"Be Still in the presence of the Lord".  I pray for the freedom and grace needed to enter into the quiet stillness of God today.  This stillness is a stillness consisting of surrender and rest in the aloneness that is mine before Christ, and a confident faith that allows me to approach His throne of Grace with confidence.

"Let him who cannot be alone beware of community."  

"Let him who is not in community beware of being alone."

Luther

 

"only a we are within the fellowship can we be alone, and only he that is alone can live in the fellowship."

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

In a day and age where community has become the object of much of our attention, may we not loose sight of the importance of being still in the aloneness of our relationship with the God who loves us in such life giving ways.

Lately I've been spending more time in my studio.  I was able to purchase a new MacBook, and am loving the new setup.  While I am still working to capture some of the music I've written over the past couple years, I'm also starting to look at working with some other musicians to record their stuff.  I've worked on some single songs with a couple friends, and found that I really love production/engineering.  

Included in the list of upcoming projects are a worship album for a local worship team, a couple songs for a fellow songwriter, and a single for a local busker that will turn into a fund-raising project for the homeless here in the valley.  In addition, I'm looking to start taking a crack at composing and recording tracks for web, video, and cell phone apps.

Long story short… I'm feeling really excited about the opportunity to grow my skill set in the studio.  I'm excited too about how the studio might grow as a creative space for me personally and for friends looking to connect with God while creating.

A number of months ago I purchased a purple shirt.

Many of you know me well enough to know that I'm pretty much a Jeans and T-Shirt kind of guy.  Those that know me even better know that I colour co-ordinate said T-Shirts in my closet.  Those who know me well enough to have seen this overly organized bunch of T-Shrits know that 90% or them are Black, White, or Gray (I had one or two brown or blue for days when I was feeling ready to change it up – HA).  

It goes with out saying that the addition of a purple shirt not only livened up my closet, but in a funny way pushed me out of comfort zone.  It's odd to think that something like a brightly coloured T-Shirt can challenge some ones sense of control or comfort.  It was however, the realization that I'd become so 'safe' that led me to purchase the T-Shirt in the first place. 

I was listening to a CBC Radio interview with Douglas Coupland where he spoke out against the obvious lack of colour in our world.  Grey cars, White Houses, Black or White T-Shrits… In no small way it all points to our growing desire to blend in and to play it safe.  There are obvious exceptions, but most of them are under the age of 25.  Sadly, it would appear a part of 'growing up' some how involves a move away from creative expression.  More alarming than the lack of creative expression is the loss of our ability to outwardly express what we're feeling.  This inability has left many people pent up, and unable to live at peace with themselves and those around them.  It causes me to wonder what this 'lack of colour' says about us.  (I'll let you speculate for yourself.)

You can listen to the pod cast that inspired this rather 'random' post here .

One thing is for sure, I'm making a conscious effort to add colour to my life.  In reality, it's more about allowing my attitude to  change in the way it must to let colour be a part of it.  (Not that I'm giving up black and white T-Shrits… that would just be crazy.)

Well, it's obviously been way to long since I posted.  The silence is in no way a result of having nothing to say.  In fact, life has been pretty amazing this past year.  I'm learning so much and being shaped in some major ways. 

In 'The Way Of The Heart ' Henri Nouwen speaks of the 'inner furnace' in each of us.  The analogy suggests that often when God speaks to us His actions and words touch deep places.  They can be like fuel to a fire that has the ability to shape and change us in some very meaningful and necessary ways.  Often our temptation is to run around with the door to that furnace wide open, a tendency that feels the natural response to the excitement we feel after an encounter with God. 

For example, God may reveal insight into His character and presence in your life.  His purpose in doing so may be to fuel a fire meant to burn hot and long inside us.  A fire that refines and shapes us in the deepest darkest corners of who we are.  Ironically, we often feel this revelation needs to be shared with the world around us.  In response we throw open the door of the furnace.  We blog, share without any restraint inside small groups, phone a friend, or tweet the doors of our internal furnace wide open.

Now…. anyone who knows me knows that I treasure authenticity and openness inside of friendship and community.  I love to know and be known by those that God has placed in my life.  That said, this season has been a maturing one for me.  As a result, I'm learning to prayerfully guard the door of the furnace.  At times it can be opened and the work of God shared libraly with the world around me, but there are times when God's intention would be to keep it closed allowing His presence and words to do a deep work.

So, long story short… I feel the time is right to start sharing again.  That said, I will do so prayerfully as I've come to love what God can do not only in the openness of community, but also in the intimacy of relationship with Him!

This morning I received an email from a colleague informing me that a mutual client had passed over the weekend.  This client was a guy I've known since shortly after I started my work with the Salvation Army here in the Comox Valley.  Many times in our relationship we spoke of life, the struggles of addiction, and the desire to be free.  Through out this mans life addiction cost him dearly.  He had lost jobs, money, possessions, dignity, relationship with both friends and family, and ultimately His true identity as God intended it.  In the end addiction stole his very life.

Since I received the email, my heart has been sad.  I am moved not only by the loss of a friend (troubled as he was), but by the injustice of it all.  It's like the enemy literally had him by the throat, and wouldn't let go.  Many times we talked about God, and I know He found great peace in prayer and in Christian community when he was able to attend local services.  He also worked with many of us to get to multiple treatment facilities over the years, but time and again found himself unable to secure freedom.

The following scripture takes on new meaning in light of this morning:

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.  Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.  I Peter 5.8-9

On a daily basis I talk with men and women about their lives, decisions, and direction.  We work to find housing, physical and mental medical attention, addictions support, financial means, and the list goes on.  Often I realize (and from time to time point out) that the issues facing them are a matter of life or death (both physically and spiritually.)  Though I often speak these words of caution, it is always difficult and somewhat shocking when those words are met with reality in someones life.

Writing this, I can't help but turn these musings around in an introspective way.  To realize that in many ways I fight with addiction, temptation, and the presence of the devil in my own life.  Time and again I fail to 'secure freedom' and too easily forget that the Devil "looks to devour" me.  The honesty of it all is that the Devil isn't taking His agenda lightly.  He plays to win, and His methods are the epitome of injustice.

I'm not able to draw a ton of conclusions from all this today, because it's hard to reconcile moments when God's kingdom is so clearly 'now, but not yet'.  However, in the tension of it all, I am sure of this:  We desperately need a Saviour.  Jesus, needs to be our Lord and our salvation. To that end, we must be people of deep prayer.  Only in prayer are we able to 'Stay Alert, Stand Firm, and Be Strong' in the face of our addictions, temptation, and personal weakness. 

I will miss Jeff.  He was a very cool guy and I was blessed by His journey more than once.  The painful part is I know that He could be free, but we never got to see that.  May the God, who was His deepest source of peace and strength, have your undivided attention today.  May the freedom that only He can give be yours.  (I'm pretty sure Jeff would say a big AMEN to that prayer.)

Today I received really heavy news.  A long time friend died in a motorcycle accident this week at the age of 30.  The news hit me really hard.  My heart is broken for the family, and as a friend I'm overwhelmed by the loss.  Death and grieving are hard realities, and experiences that are only intensified when they come 'before their time'. 

A couple weeks ago I had an opportunity to visit my sisters grave.  It was the first time I've been there since she passed away two years ago, and it was a precious moment.  She, like Arthur, was only 30 when she died.  I remember standing at the graveside feeling an unspeakably deep sense of loss.  It was so obvious that what I needed in that moment was beyond me (as was the case many times when Jayda was sick, and never more than the days surrounding her death.)

While Jayda was sick I wrote a song called Overwhelmed.  It came as a very honest prayer in response to the notion that "God will never give us anything we can't handle".  I believed that all my life.. until Jayda got sick.  Truth is, the three years surrounding her sickness were full of moments where I felt completely overwhelmed.  I quickly began to realize that we're not promised a life free from anything we can't handle.  The promise is that he will never leave us, or forsake us.  Each time I sing this song I embrace this truth remembering how often I find myself in situations that require something beyond me.  These moments of complete humanness are many, and they aren't going away.  I have also learned that God will forever be faithful to meet me, guide me, and even carry me in each and every one of these moments.  Overwhelmed is a heart cry. Today I lift it up especially on behalf of Arthur's friends and family.  As well, may it become a prayer for many who find themselves overwhelmed whatever the situation.

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Last Friday evening I had the great pleasure of hearing Stephen Lewis speak.  He was invited to the Comox Valley by the World Community Development Education Society (a local organization with a big heart for global social justice.)  I have long been inspired by Stephen Lewis, and so I was incredibly excited to join 1699 other people for his visit.  As Stephen shared his experiences, dreams, frustrations, and ambitions related to helping the continent of Africa I was again moved by a man who's heart beats so deeply for others.  It was so incredible to hear detailed and educated accounts of the alarming and complicated injustices facing the African people.  It would have been impossible to not be touched by story after story of how it's impacting lives.  Just as moving was the response of the 1700 that had gathered to hear Stephen Lewis speak.  The applause that filled the room multiple times through out the evening stirred me deeply.  It spoke of peoples deep commitment to help the ease the suffering of others.  I was in that moment reminded that as humans we are created in God's image and therefore have an intrinsic dedication to seeing justice come to the lives of the broken and the poor.  

Over an over Stephen Lewis made reference to promises that governments have made and subsequently broken.  He asked the question that is on so many of our hearts when we encounter the injustices of this world… "How can this happen?"  In a day and age when solutions are available, people are still dying at a rapid rate.  Why!?  You could almost feel the weight and desperation behind that question as it filled the hearts and minds of each one present.  This brings me back to the most significant thing I took away from the evening:  people… Canadians… care.  Often I have felt that our governments do not represent our commitment to fight injustice very well.  That doesn't change the fact that when you get down to the grassroots of the issues we are ready and willing to do what we can.  I celebrate the heart and passion that I experienced in that room Friday night.  I don't often see it, but I believe that at it's core is the heart of our creator who admittedly came to

"to bring good news to the poor.  …to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed."  Isaiah 61.1

 
Stephen Lewis inspired me on Friday night, but more importantly, God spoke.  I am reminded yet again that what the world needs desperately, what Africa needs desperately, is not only better government, access to schools, AIDs drugs, and money.  We need a saviour, and it's only as we allow Christ to be that for us that we'll be able to really do something with the passion for justice that He gave to us when we were created.  Stephen Lewis mentioned a conversation he'd had with an African woman that quite perplexed him.  He asked her what she and others like her were doing to help meet the needs of their immediate surroundings.  She simply told him "we pray".  Today, I join that woman and many like her in prayer.  I pray that God brings healing and justice to the people of Africa.  I pray that his love and life come to that continent, and that they see Him as saviour.  I pray too for Stephen Lewis and the thousands of people who so honourably give their lives and hearts to bring justice where there is none.  I pray they too meet the God of Justice as they put their hands to the work of His heart.  Finally, I pray that the inspiring commitment an passion for justice that filled that room Friday night would rock the Church.

For the next week I feel challenged to meditate on God's word as it relates to this heart for justice.  One verse that stands out to me, and I will allow to permeate my heart is Micha 6:8

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

Teach us God.  Give us your heart.  Fill us with mercy as we are humbled today in the face of injustice.  To our great collective "WHY!?" we pray that you'd come and speak truth and understanding.  Bring peace Father.  Pour out mercy.  Let there be justice.

If you're interested in learning more about what's going on in Africa I HIGHLY recommend Stephen's book Race Against Time

It's almost impossible to believe, but it's been a year since Jayda passed away.  So much has happened in the midst of grief.  The letting go, the moving on, the act of remembering, the building of life since my world changed last June.  It's been quite a year, and looking back from today it's gone by so quick.  At the same time it feels like 3 or 4 years have passed when I sit and ponder all that God has walked us through in the space of a year.

I'll probably share some more in another entry later this week, but just wanted to pause today and remember Jayda.  June 1st will be the official anniversary of her passing, but I'm sure my weekend will be full of memories, tears, laughs, and celebration.  As has been the case through out this year, I again invite God to be actively present.  His presence is life – something that I've come to understand with far greater depth this year.

We're on our way to Calgary to be with mom and dad this weekend.  I'm looking forward to resting together in His presence.  I anticipate lots of shared stories and memories that will bring both laughter and tears.  I also know that God will laughing and crying right there with us.  He is a good and faithful God, and as always, thoughts of Jayda quickly remind be of that fact.  Jayda's relationship with Jesus has become an ever present example to me in my life and faith.  The reality of Christ in her life, especially in the final few months of her life, was incredibly real and life changing.  I miss her like crazy and as I head into this weekend I'm needing to simply crawl up into the fathers lap and sit a while.