Life As I Live It... » lessons

Addiction… What An Injustice

chadb_ca — Tue, 18 May 2010 21:05:43 +0000

This morning I received an email from a colleague informing me that a mutual client had passed over the weekend. This client was a guy I've known since shortly after I started my work with the Salvation Army here in the Comox Valley. Many times in our relationship we spoke of life, the struggles of addiction, and the desire to be free. Through out this mans life addiction cost him dearly. He had lost jobs, money, possessions, dignity, relationship with both friends and family, and ultimately His true identity as God intended it. In the end addiction stole his very life.

Since I received the email, my heart has been sad. I am moved not only by the loss of a friend (troubled as he was), but by the injustice of it all. It's like the enemy literally had him by the throat, and wouldn't let go. Many times we talked about God, and I know He found great peace in prayer and in Christian community when he was able to attend local services. He also worked with many of us to get to multiple treatment facilities over the years, but time and again found himself unable to secure freedom.

The following scripture takes on new meaning in light of this morning:

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sistersall over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are. I Peter 5.8-9

On a daily basis I talk with men and women about their lives, decisions, and direction. We work to find housing, physical and mental medical attention, addictions support, financial means, and the list goes on. Often I realize (and from time to time point out) that the issues facing them are a matter of life or death (both physically and spiritually.) Though I often speak these words of caution, it is always difficult and somewhat shocking when those words are met with reality in someones life.

Writing this, I can't help but turn these musings around in an introspective way. To realize that in many ways I fight with addiction, temptation, and the presence of the devil in my own life. Time and again I fail to 'secure freedom' and too easily forget that the Devil "looks to devour" me. The honesty of it all is that the Devil isn't taking His agenda lightly. He plays to win, and His methods are the epitome of injustice.

I'm not able to draw a ton of conclusions from all this today, because it's hard to reconcile moments when God's kingdom is so clearly 'now, but not yet'. However, in the tension of it all, I am sure of this: We desperately need a Saviour. Jesus, needs to be our Lord and our salvation. To that end, we must be people of deep prayer. Only in prayer are we able to 'Stay Alert, Stand Firm, and Be Strong' in the face of our addictions, temptation, and personal weakness.

I will miss Jeff. He was a very cool guy and I was blessed by His journey more than once. The painful part is I know that He could be free, but we never got to see that. May the God, who was His deepest source of peace and strength, have your undivided attention today. May the freedom that only He can give be yours. (I'm pretty sure Jeff would say a big AMEN to that prayer.)

Remain

chadb_ca — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 02:55:45 +0000

Download audio file (Remain.mp3)

John 15 is a passage of scripture that has been a constant encouragement and challenge in my life. "Remain In Me" is both a powerful command and an incredible invitation. I've often wrestled with what it looks like to remain and even more often with how to go about it. In a world filled with distractions, expectations, and a constant battle between flesh and spirit I often find it hard to keep focused on Jesus. The key lies not in our ability to remain, but in our ability to surrender and allow him to remain in us.

This song is one that I wrote in the summer of 2008, and it's lyrics still ring incredibly true for me. I pray that as you listen this song allows you to come to a place of honesty in the presence of a God who calls you to Himself. I am reminded as I post it that the call to remain is followed by a promise "Remain in Me, and I will remain in you." John 15:4

Blazing A Trail Within

chadb_ca — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 17:43:17 +0000

Dan Wilt, a friend of mine from the East Coast, sent out some thoughts via email today, and they're really sitting with me. Here's what he wrote:

Blazing A Trail Within. Dan Wilt, M.Min.

In the worshiper's life, the longest, most arduous journey, is

the one we trek inside. The terrain of each heart is a rugged one,

full of possibilities and pitfalls with the rise and fall of every

circumstance and relationship.

It is only in self-offering, again and again, that we learn the art of

relinquishing these fragile lives that we lead. When we relinquish

control, we cut a swath through the roughest of wilderness and

follow God in the wild journey into Christ-likeness.

In between the Now and the Not Yet, worshiping with you,

Dan

Dan's words resonate with me today. They also encourage and spur me on to a place of worship. Often in our humanness we fail to remember we're made fully alive in Christ alone. My heart and head are full and troubled in many ways today, and am blessed to remember that God promises to draw near as we draw near to Him. (James 4)

May today be a day where as Dan puts it I am able to "offer myself, again and again, that I may learn the art of

relinquishing the fragile life that I lead. I pray to that you right now, in this moment, you're struck by the awesome and all sufficient presence of the God who loves you. That this encounter would inspire you as it has me to stop and offer yourself to Him in worship.

Dan is the director of

THE INSTITUTE Of Contemporary And Emerging Worship Studies (St. Stephen, New Brunswick, Canada) Check it out online.

Trendy Justice

chadb_ca — Sun, 03 May 2009 19:27:32 +0000

Not sure if you've noticed, but social justice is the new black! What I mean is, it's become really trendy to get involved, to make a difference, to embrace justice. I love some of what's resulted from this collective social conscience. Organizations like Invisible Children and Bono's ONE campaign are examples of an ever growing and incredibly impressive list of groups deeply moved to 'do something' having been made aware of the great injustices facing our world today. The fact that people across racial, cultural, and socio-economic borders are being made aware of injustice globally, nationally, and in our own back yards is nothing shy of incredible. Youth groups strive to 'go green' at their schools, our fridges are covered in $30/month children, and every year hundreds of Canadians go without food for the 30 hr famine. In the past couple years pop culture has helped to fuel the fire as celebrities adopt children, build schools, and throwing huge concerts to raise both awareness and finances in the collective fight against poverty, AIDS, and the injustices of war around the world.

I love what is going on in this way, and am excited to be a part of this movement in whatever way I can. That said, I do have some questions and concerns:

Why? What is our motivation in 'doing good'? I fear that for many, the desire to get involved is rooted in a very selfish place. "We give because it makes us feel good." I have talked with countless people who can strongly articulate the idea that they give because it 'feels good'. The truth is that for many of us, christian and non-christian alike, 'if it feels good… do it' is at the core of our world view. At first glance this motivation seems harmless, if not logical. The reality is, it does feel amazing to see justice come to a situation, and to now you were a part of that process. There are huge issues though when this becomes our sole motivation.

First of all, our efforts will be very short lived and inadequate when it comes to accomplishing anything in the big picture. I am daily reminded of the fact that Justice is only a 'feel good' experience on the surface. Handing out sandwiches will only cut it for a short time. Eventually these exchanges will connect us with a person. A person with a face, a name, a story, and a deep need for much more than a sandwich. Suddenly the reality of the situation jumps up and slaps us in the face, and it no longer 'feels good' to give. In fact, it threatens to become incredible scary, messy, and costly. This is the 'Justice Ministry' that God has called us to, and it will never be 'Trendy'.

Earlier this year I found myself in the middle of a mind blowing situation. A woman named Marg approached me on behalf of a friend who needed help. Marg's friend was an elderly woman who had recently undergone a hip replacement. She had been taken to the hospital for surgery, and Marg needed help getting her house cleaned so they could move her back in. The task of cleaning this house was no small order, because Margs friend had lived the past number of years in severe depression. The effects of this deep depression had kept her from doing even the most basic of household duties. Marg described the state of her friends house, and challenged me over and over with the fact that I really had no idea how bad it was.

I put a call out to our local churches to recruit some help, and made no attempt to glorify the request (knowing that if things were half as bad as Marg was saying I'd only get myself in trouble if I was anything but upfront with the details.) 2-3 days went by without a response, and so I took it up with the Pastor at the church we're attending. He asked me to share the need on Sunday morning, and in turn I was able to gather a group of 6 to go and clean the house on the following Wednesday. When we arrived the state of the house was beyond what any of us had expected. Filled with four years of garbage, rotten take out, and human urine in milk jugs, the smell almost made me sick a number of times. We separated the empty pop bottles from the rest, and were able to use the $150 in returns to pay for one of the three dumpsters we used to have the garbage hauled away.

At one point I was standing knee deep in garbage with a shovel, when a client of mine who'd joined the clean up crew asked me: "so… this woman was just depressed!?" His eyes filled with tears, as this man who has fought with depression personally, connected with the magnitude of what this lady must have experienced for things to get this far. I couldn't help but think that He had somehow connected with Christ's heart for the situation in a way that I hadn't.

It was in that moment that I realized how far I have to go towards understanding God's heart for justice. It is a justice that goes far beyond trendy, or an action of self gratification. It is the very act of setting right the wrongs in this world, and it is far beyond our ability to accomplish. It is an answer to the call of Isaiah when he said:

"learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow." Isaiah 1.17

In addition to the fact that Trendy Justice tends to be very fragile when the rubber hits the road, there is a much larger issue at it's core. Trendy Justice lacks hope. Ultimately a sandwich, 30/month, school fees for a year, clean drinking water, AIDS drugs…. it's just not enough. What we need is a saviour. We need someone who can bring complete justice, and not one of us can fully be that for another. The good news however is that "light has come into the world". There is hope, because in the darkness of injustice there is a light! True justice shines when our actions and efforts are flooded by, filled with, and pointed towards light in the midst of darkness.

¹ In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He existed in the beginning with God. ³ God created everything through him, and nothing as created except through him. ⁴ The Word gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone. ⁵ The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it. ⁶ God sent a man, John the Baptist,⁷ to tell about the light so that everyone might believe because of his testimony. ⁸ John himself was not the light; he was simply a witness to tell about the light. ⁹ The one who is the true light, who gives light to everyone, was coming into the world." John 1.1-9

As the Church, we must not get seduced by the 'feel good' experience of Trendy Justice. Instead, we need to surrender our very lives to the cause (an act that will never be 'mainstream'). God is a God of Justice, and we desperately need to catch His heart for the injustices that surround us. Let us pray that His Kingdom Come in the face of injustice on Earth as it is in Heaven. The Bible challenges us to "not become weary in doing good". A deeper look at this passage in Galatians 6 teaches us that "the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." Justice that is self motivated and self manufactured will not cut it. Instead it must be the result of the Spirit in us, for truly:

God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure.This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. 2 Corinthians 4.6-7

A Crack In A Damn

chadb_ca — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 00:13:59 +0000

Friday March 6th I played my first show in the Valley. I was really nervous about it, but knew it was something I had to do. In fact, I've known since we made the move to the Island that God was going to really move me beyond my comfort zone musically. To date so much of my music has been expressed inside the church. I remember as a young man knowing that God wanted me to use my gifts both inside corporate worship, and out. I also heard him clearly state that I was to surrender the dream back to him, and that He'd be faithful to carefully bring it about in His time.

The show on Friday was incredible. I had the opportunity to play with two incredible friends (Steve H and Curtis G) and the room was packed with many other friends, co-workers, and even a few strangers. I had a sense that this show was going to 'open doors'. The crazy part has been the fullness to which God has opened the door! Since Friday I've played two open mic nights, and have made some really cool connections with local musicians in the area. I keep likening the past week to having put a 'crack in a damn'. I can't wait to see what comes of it all. One thing's sure… I know that all I'm required to do is continue following God's lead.

I share this partly to let everyone know what's going on with me musically. The bigger reason though is to share the lesson that God is teaching me in this. When I was 19 years old God clearly told me to let go the dreams He'd given me in the area of music. Since then it's been one cool adventure after another, but I'd be lying to say I haven't wondered if the dream had been lost forever. This week God has clearly reminded me that He is not only the giver of gifts and dreams, but the sovereign orchestrator and keeper of them. I'm quite sure this won't be a 'once and for all' lesson learned, but I can say that I feel a deepened sense of surrender today. God is so good, and I can't wait to see where He takes Janna and I.

Invitation To Love

chadb_ca — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 20:18:48 +0000

The world we live in sure is moving at a brisk pace. In fact, I caught myself feeling as if I'd stepped out of bed onto moving ground multiple mornings this week. I often feel as if there's 'just so much to do', and was actually becoming quite defeated in the midst of it all. I wish I knew better how to catch myself before allowing life to get so carried away, but over and over I seem to fall prey to the same old traps. I feel the need/desire to create, impact, impress, pursue, change, improve, succeed…. There is hope however. An ever growing ability to hear that inner voice of the Holy Spirit calling me to rest.

I recently re-read The Divine Romance by Gene Edwards. It is an allegorical telling of God's history from creation to resurrection. It is told primarily from the perception of angles and God Himself as it all unfolds. It truly is an amazing book, and I was deeply moved in my spirit as I read it again. The thing that really struck me as I read it this time was just how much God loves us, and in fact has created us ultimately for one thing – Love. We were created and designed not to build, create, design, impress, and accomplish. Those things may be a healthy byproduct of our lives, but they will never satisfy. That is because we were created for one simple yet mind blowing purpose… a love relationship with God Himself. To love and to be loved… that's it!

This past week God really spoke into what was quickly becoming a very discouraged and melancholy heart. The reminder that His deepest desire is to love me, and for me to love Him truly brought freedom and purpose in a moment. The heaviness that had started to weigh me down was near instantly lifted again. Matthew 6:33 began to fill my heart and mind again as I meditated on how important it is to 'seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness'. In His faithful way, God spoke those words over me. A beautiful thing happened as He did, and I found myself hearing them not merely as a commandment, but as an invitation. They truly are an invitation. An invitation to freedom and life. An invitation to lay down the worries and expectations of this life in order to seek first a God who is able to perfectly care for them all. Christ's words are an invitation to look into the eyes of God and know who we really are.

Another commandment that is an invitation in much the same way is found in Matthew 22. Jesus is asked "Master, which is the great commandment in the law?". I think it's worth noting that this question is asked by a lawyer who was also a Pharisee. No doubt he, like so many of us, was living a life overcome by the desire to impress, grow, succeed, produce… It is out of that chaotic existence that this man asks a simple question that is met with the very invitation that God presented to me this week:

Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

   Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

   This is the first and great commandment.

   And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

   On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Matthew 22.36-40

God loves us so deeply. In fact we were created for nothing less. I pray that this reality speaks to the deeps of you as it did me this week. I pray to that the truth of it continues to change, shape, and restore my life.

The ‘Ministry of Presence’

chadb_ca — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 00:06:10 +0000

Lately I've been finding myself deep inside a tension between caring and becoming overwhelmed. I have the deep privillage of being invited into peoples lives daily. I sit with multiple people everyday and listen to their stories, share laughs, hugs, tears, etc. I get to pray, encourage, give to, and receive from people countless times every week. It really is an incredible blessing to have been given the life God has given me. That said, I often become quite overwhelmed by life. The world is with out question in a bad way, and I'm consistently surrounded by people who have lost all hope.

It's in these moments of overwhelming and desperate need for peace, rest, guidence, wisdom, etc… that God has proved to me His faithfulness time and again. A couple weeks ago I was feeling particularly defeated, and God encouraged me during a chat with a buddy. He, like me, spends his days surrounded by marginalized people. He was able to speak such encouragment and life into me when I so badly needed just that. We talked about how often we wonder if what we do is enough, when God reminded him of something he'd read. The following was written by Henri Nouwen, and God spoke to me deeply through these words:

“More and more, the desire grows in me to simply walk around, greet people, enter into homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have the time to practice the simple ministry of presence. Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or to be a part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets.

It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress. But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn’t be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them but truly love them.”

[Henri Nouwen in Gracias! Published in 1983, pg. 147-148]

At the end of last week I started to feel very heavy again, because while I believe Henri's words completely, I very quickly loose sight of their simple truth. Is it really enough to just 'be' with the broken, lost, tired, lonely, afraid, abandoned, abused, rejected… ? This question isn't new to me, but neither is the answer. God very clearly spoke to me about a year and half ago. I had just asked the same question (while working at Starbucks) and His answer was – "Share life with others and love them as you do. Always remain true to who you are in Me." As I read Henri's words again today I hear the voice of God saying: "Yes, it's enough, because I am in you, and I AM enough."

It’s hard to remain…

chadb_ca — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 23:45:28 +0000

Well, it's been WAY to long since I posted to my blog. I have many blog posts running around in my head, but today I'll have to keep it brief. My days at the Salvation Army have been full, and it's left me with less time to write, etc. I'm not sure that I'm 'too busy'… but I will admit I'm feeling a real urgency as it relates to guarding my heart and mind in this season. I need to pray more, to listen longer, to find rest and solitude more often… ironically it seems the need for these things grows with alongside the lack of opportunity for them.

I am reminded today that followers of Christ are called to a 'disciplined' life, and that the word discipline infers a level of work or commitment. It suggests that there is bound to be something or someone pulling us away from the things that would be best or most needed in our lives at any given moment. If that weren't the case we wouldn't refer to prayer, fasting, silence, and the like as disciplines.

I confess that given the chance for (and often the challenge to live) a disciplined life, my flesh very often becomes unwilling. I get tired, distracted, busy, lazy… the list goes one. Simply put, discipline is needed because our flesh is weak and unwilling. Jesus pointed this out when He was calling his disciples to pray in Matthew 26. He said

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

Last weekend Janna and I celebrated our 10th anniversary, and I my 32nd birthday. We had the opportunity to spend five incredible days together. We hit the spa (courtesy of some good friends), camped on the West Coast, shared some incredible meals, walked on the beaches of both the west coast and Vancouver, took in a Radiohead concert, and visited with good friends in Vancouver. What a time of remembering and celebrating! God has been so good to us. As always this time of rest stirred things in our hearts. As we continue to wait and watch God is unfolding incredible things in our life together. Today my spirit is deeply encouraged to 'remain' in Him… To live a disciplined and surrendered life. He has been SO faithful, and I pray that His grace leads me to a place of strength and discipline as we continue to trust Him with tomorrow. More Lord!

"He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less." John 3:30

or as the message puts it:

"This is the assigned moment for him to move into the center, while I slip off to the sidelines." John 3:30

Let There Be Justice

chadb_ca — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 18:53:39 +0000

Last Friday evening I had the great pleasure of hearing Stephen Lewis speak. He was invited to the Comox Valley by the World Community Development Education Society (a local organization with a big heart for global social justice.) I have long been inspired by Stephen Lewis, and so I was incredibly excited to join 1699 other people for his visit. As Stephen shared his experiences, dreams, frustrations, and ambitions related to helping the continent of Africa I was again moved by a man who's heart beats so deeply for others. It was so incredible to hear detailed and educated accounts of the alarming and complicated injustices facing the African people. It would have been impossible to not be touched by story after story of how it's impacting lives. Just as moving was the response of the 1700 that had gathered to hear Stephen Lewis speak. The applause that filled the room multiple times through out the evening stirred me deeply. It spoke of peoples deep commitment to help the ease the suffering of others. I was in that moment reminded that as humans we are created in God's image and therefore have an intrinsic dedication to seeing justice come to the lives of the broken and the poor.

Over an over Stephen Lewis made reference to promises that governments have made and subsequently broken. He asked the question that is on so many of our hearts when we encounter the injustices of this world… "How can this happen?" In a day and age when solutions are available, people are still dying at a rapid rate. Why!? You could almost feel the weight and desperation behind that question as it filled the hearts and minds of each one present. This brings me back to the most significant thing I took away from the evening: people… Canadians… care. Often I have felt that our governments do not represent our commitment to fight injustice very well. That doesn't change the fact that when you get down to the grassroots of the issues we are ready and willing to do what we can. I celebrate the heart and passion that I experienced in that room Friday night. I don't often see it, but I believe that at it's core is the heart of our creator who admittedly came to

"to bring good news to the poor. …to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed." Isaiah 61.1

Stephen Lewis inspired me on Friday night, but more importantly, God spoke. I am reminded yet again that what the world needs desperately, what Africa needs desperately, is not only better government, access to schools, AIDs drugs, and money. We need a saviour, and it's only as we allow Christ to be that for us that we'll be able to really do something with the passion for justice that He gave to us when we were created. Stephen Lewis mentioned a conversation he'd had with an African woman that quite perplexed him. He asked her what she and others like her were doing to help meet the needs of their immediate surroundings. She simply told him "we pray". Today, I join that woman and many like her in prayer. I pray that God brings healing and justice to the people of Africa. I pray that his love and life come to that continent, and that they see Him as saviour. I pray too for Stephen Lewis and the thousands of people who so honourably give their lives and hearts to bring justice where there is none. I pray they too meet the God of Justice as they put their hands to the work of His heart. Finally, I pray that the inspiring commitment an passion for justice that filled that room Friday night would rock the Church.

For the next week I feel challenged to meditate on God's word as it relates to this heart for justice. One verse that stands out to me, and I will allow to permeate my heart is Micha 6:8

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

Teach us God. Give us your heart. Fill us with mercy as we are humbled today in the face of injustice. To our great collective "WHY!?" we pray that you'd come and speak truth and understanding. Bring peace Father. Pour out mercy. Let there be justice.

If you're interested in learning more about what's going on in Africa I HIGHLY recommend Stephen's book Race Against Time

I Ask For Wisdom

chadb_ca — Thu, 01 May 2008 17:51:28 +0000

I was reading Proverbs 3 this morning (one of my favorite chapters in the Bible.) I love how this chapter, filled with admonition for wisdom, is chalked full of wisdom itself. I was deeply encouraged by this call to pursue wisdom in my prayers and petitions this morning. Then I got to the office and was reminded how incredibly important it is to rely on God's wisdom.

Yesterday I spent most of the day helping a guy move towards a better life. Today I showed up at the office to find that He failed to follow through on a key piece of what we'd talked about. I was immediately overcome with one big giant 'SHOOT', and then found myself frustrated with the situation. More than anything my heart feels heavy for a man who has such incredible potential, and wants so badly to find sobriety and life.

The truth is when we willingly share our lives with people, and allow them to share theirs with us, we will without a doubt find ourselves disappointed, frustrated, angry, and heavy hearted. We so quickly find ourselves at a loss of how to think, feel, act, etc. This morning God spoke right into this human reality as I read Proverbs 3:

13 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom,
      the one who gains understanding.
14 For wisdom is more profitable than silver,
      and her wages are better than gold.
15 Wisdom is more precious than rubies;
      nothing you desire can compare with her.
16 She offers you long life in her right hand,
      and riches and honor in her left.
17 She will guide you down delightful paths;
      all her ways are satisfying.
18 Wisdom is a tree of life to those who embrace her;
      happy are those who hold her tightly.
19 By wisdom the Lord founded the earth;
      by understanding he created the heavens.
20 By his knowledge the deep fountains of the earth burst forth,
      and the dew settles beneath the night sky.

I pray this morning for God's wisdom to overpower my own. In my work, my resting, my home, my family… I will meditate on the following verses from that same chapter today as I share in peoples lives.

7 Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom.
Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.

8 Then you will have healing for your body
and strength for your bones.

I praise God again this morning for the reminder that people don't need me and my wisdom, but His. Come Lord!