It's almost impossible to believe, but it's been a year since Jayda passed away.  So much has happened in the midst of grief.  The letting go, the moving on, the act of remembering, the building of life since my world changed last June.  It's been quite a year, and looking back from today it's gone by so quick.  At the same time it feels like 3 or 4 years have passed when I sit and ponder all that God has walked us through in the space of a year.

I'll probably share some more in another entry later this week, but just wanted to pause today and remember Jayda.  June 1st will be the official anniversary of her passing, but I'm sure my weekend will be full of memories, tears, laughs, and celebration.  As has been the case through out this year, I again invite God to be actively present.  His presence is life – something that I've come to understand with far greater depth this year.

We're on our way to Calgary to be with mom and dad this weekend.  I'm looking forward to resting together in His presence.  I anticipate lots of shared stories and memories that will bring both laughter and tears.  I also know that God will laughing and crying right there with us.  He is a good and faithful God, and as always, thoughts of Jayda quickly remind be of that fact.  Jayda's relationship with Jesus has become an ever present example to me in my life and faith.  The reality of Christ in her life, especially in the final few months of her life, was incredibly real and life changing.  I miss her like crazy and as I head into this weekend I'm needing to simply crawl up into the fathers lap and sit a while.

I was reading Proverbs 3 this morning (one of my favorite chapters in the Bible.)  I love how this chapter, filled with admonition for wisdom, is chalked full of wisdom itself.  I was deeply encouraged by this call to pursue wisdom in my prayers and petitions this morning.  Then I got to the office and was reminded how incredibly important it is to rely on God's wisdom. 

Yesterday I spent most of the day helping a guy move towards a better life.  Today I showed up at the office to find that He failed to follow through on a key piece of what we'd talked about.  I was immediately overcome with one big giant 'SHOOT', and then found myself frustrated with the situation.  More than anything my heart feels heavy for a man who has such incredible potential, and wants so badly to find sobriety and life.  

The truth is when we willingly share our lives with people, and allow them to share theirs with us, we will without a doubt find ourselves disappointed, frustrated, angry, and heavy hearted.  We so quickly find ourselves at a loss of how to think, feel, act, etc.  This morning God spoke right into this human reality as I read Proverbs 3:

13 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom,
      the one who gains understanding.
14 For wisdom is more profitable than silver,
      and her wages are better than gold.
15 Wisdom is more precious than rubies;
      nothing you desire can compare with her.
16 She offers you long life in her right hand,
      and riches and honor in her left.
17 She will guide you down delightful paths;
      all her ways are satisfying.
18 Wisdom is a tree of life to those who embrace her;
      happy are those who hold her tightly.
19 By wisdom the Lord founded the earth;
      by understanding he created the heavens.
20 By his knowledge the deep fountains of the earth burst forth,
      and the dew settles beneath the night sky.

I pray this morning for God's wisdom to overpower my own.  In my work, my resting, my home, my family… I will meditate on the following verses from that same chapter today as I share in peoples lives.  

7 Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom.
      Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.

8 Then you will have healing for your body
      and strength for your bones. 

I praise God again this morning for the reminder that people don't need me and my wisdom, but His.  Come Lord!