For over a year now the community at River of Life in Lethbridge has been holding all night prayer vigils once a month. These nights are set apart for the community to gather in prayer, and started out of a longing to see God’s presence increase in our lives, church, city, and nation. Since we started to gather together in this manner vigils have become a treasured part of our life as a church. I have really loved being able to set aside these focused times of prayer and communion with God. They are reminiscent of the many hours I’ve spent in 24-7prayer rooms over the years. Just as I found in 24-7prayer rooms, every time I’ve given up my night to participate in a vigil God has met me in very intimate and powerful ways.

I came to our vigil a couple weeks ago desperate to meet with God. I was feeling really heavy and tired, finding myself in the midst of an inward battle. With our move back to the Island only a few short months away anxiety was starting to creep in. I started to feel the weight of expectation (primarily self induced) and began wrestling with questions of whether or not I could ‘do this’. Insecurity started to rise up in me and with it lies of inadequacy and a fear of failure. I began to worry that the responsibilities of pastoral leadership and of starting a church would be too much. I feared the pressure would somehow undo the healing I’ve experienced over the past couple years, or remove me from the rest and safety of the place I’m in.

It was into this frame of mind that the Lord spoke the truth that set me free. This same truth will continue to set me free daily: “I love you Chad, I really love you.” It’s amazing how quickly this love “casts out fear”. 1 John 4.18 I began to reflect on the biblical story of the woman caught in Adultery John 8. This story has always been one of my favorites, as it is for me a perfect example of Christ’s unconditional love. He met this woman, caught in an incredibly vulnerable place of weakness and shame, not with the contempt and condemnation of the pharisees. Instead He publicly demonstrated and then ministered directly to her true love. “Neither do I condemn you… go, and from now on sin no more.” In this short sentence lies the depths of grace, forgiveness, hope, and freedom.

What struck me as I meditated on these words was how Jesus’ offer didn’t end with forgiveness. That alone was a priceless gift and one that should fill us with awe, but Jesus doesn’t stop there. He also says “from now on sin no more”. For a lot of years these words didn’t feel like an expression of love and compassion. They felt more like an impossible request and as a result cheapened for me the beautiful gift of forgiveness. In light of His love, and a fuller revelation of it (like the one this woman experienced in John 8 or like I had a couple weeks ago) this encouragement to “sin no more” speaks not only of His desire for my life, but also of the reality that He has made it possible for me. Wonder of all wonders, “He who the Son sets free, is free indeed”! John 8:36

1 John 1:9 says “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Here we find, just like the woman in John 8 did, that God’s offer to us in our brokenness doesn’t end with forgiveness. In addition to this extravagant gift comes His promise to “cleanse us from all unrighteousness”. It’s kind of like being given the best snowboard gear on the market and then just as you’re coming to terms with the mind blowing excitement this gift has created, the giver hands you a seasons pass and the keys to a condo at the base of the mountain! Before you were even able to think it through, the giver makes available to you everything necessary to use the initial gift! I am forgiven and I’ve been cleansed. So, it is with incredible hope and excitement that I receive the gift of God when He says “Has no one condemned you? Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” “Go and live!” My strength and confidence is not found in me, but in the one who both forgives and cleanses me; In the one who purifies and sets me free! Let us not stop at forgiveness (as breathe taking a gift as it is) but let us live as those forgiven, cleansed, and free.

Psalm 103:1-5
1 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
2 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
3 who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
5 who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

This morning I’m reminded that the intensity of life can often be… well, intense. This past couple weeks have been really great, but they’ve been full. After an amazing trip to the Comox Valley to meet, pray, and plan with our church planting team I returned to an intense week here in Lethbridge. The combination of the day to day here in Lethbridge with the processing, prayer, and planning needed as our move back to the Valley approaches has brought about a real shift in seasons. The combination of my growing daily commitments, the increasing spiritual battle that is coming in the face of God’s plans for the church plant, and the ongoing personal journey of healing and growth God has me on have landed me in a new season that I’m loving, but is without a doubt… intense.

We are moving back to the Valley to establish a church in only three short months! On one hand, that doesn’t seem far off, but on the other I have to admit that coming back to Lethbridge at the end of our visit there this past month was hard. I kind of felt like I was ready to be back for good, and the excitement for what’s to come only grows in me daily. Into this excitement God used Janna to clearly say “you’re not done in Lethbridge yet.” When she said it to me I knew deep down that she was right, and in her words I could hear God speaking directly to my heart. I didn’t really get it. In fact, I figured that if we weren’t done here yet it was because God still had things He wanted to do for Janna (a perfectly solid reason to settle into this next three months.) Well, let’s just say I’m a bit slow on the uptake some days.

This past week a man in our church became incredibly sick. He went to the hospital with what he thought was a pulled hamstring, and was later that day in surgery to clean a flesh eating infection from his leg. He has ever since been on life support and we as a church are joining with His family (wife and three little kids) to pray for His healing. I heard of this situation on Sunday, and in all honesty had a hard time really connecting with what was happening. I was finding it hard to really feel anything. Surrounded by people who were deeply moved to prayer and watching thousands begin to connect and embrace this situation in prayer (via Facebook, etc) caused me to wonder what was going on for me. I mean I was praying for sure, but was finding it really hard to engage on a level that seemed natural to those around me. It took me a little more than 24hrs to realize something was really off for me, and in the midst of this frustrating realization I asked Jesus – “what is going on in me?” His answer came quickly as He began to show me that my trouble here was connected to the loss of my sister five years ago. The hospital, the suddenness of the situation, the real threat of a family loosing a spouse and parent… it was all so familiar.

God is using this situation in my life personally to continue healing places of my heart that simply didn’t make it out of the loss of my sister intact. God did such incredible things in the midst of that loss to teach me of His sovereignty and the love He has for me. He’s starting to show me that while I really grabbed hold of those lessons, I also disconnected from the ability to feel (especially things like sorrow and anger.) I’m realizing that it’s hard to both miss someone (and all that entails) and be at peace with God and what happens in the midst of such pain and loss. As I tried to join with our community here at River of Life and pray for this family, I began to realize I was unable to do that. The reasons why are leading me to what is really the continuation of a healing of my heart that started a few months ago. In addressing places of real disappointment and loss God is freeing me again to pray for the sick, enter into times of sorrow, and to believe that God is both sovereign and committed to walk with us in the honesty of our pain and grief.

So yeah, intense. I think it’s fitting to be sharing this in the midst of the passion week. A time when we remember that Christ suffered for us, and so can so beautifully stand with us in our suffering. It is a time when I’m reminded that I don’t walk the intensity of this life on my own, but am able to:

“look to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.” Hebrews 3.2-3

I also find great rest and freedom in the knowledge that the salvation He made possible in His death and resurrection makes my healing possible today. It brings deep hope to the admission that He’s not done with me yet. I am not overcome by the intensity of this day, but am quietly excited to receive all that Christ has for me in it. Overwhelmed only by the gift of God that is His faithfulness and unrelenting commitment to my life, and life more abundantly.

Thought I’d share a song I’ve been using in worship for the past couple months. Such a true and blessed expression of worship and prayer in the face of seasons like this

You Won’t Relent by Misty Edwards (preformed by Jesus Culture)

It’s hard to believe we’re already two months into 2013! As the year started I was filled with incredible excitement and anticipation for what God had planned. Already after only two months I’ve been blown away at what He’s doing in and around me. God is definitely at work continuing to shape our hearts, and to prepare us for our return to Vancouver Island this summer. We have an incredible team that is planning to join us in the adventure of church planting, and this same work of preparation is evident in all of their lives as well.

In October I had the chance to visit the Island for a week, and spent a lot of time there in prayer and connecting with God’s heart as we move forward. One night while we were together we brought a number of people who are planning to be a part of the church plant together for a time of sharing and worship. In the midst of our worship God began to speak, and as people shared what he was saying one thing seemed to overshadow all the rest. “I Will Build My Church.” Matthew 16:18 This en devour comes with so many unknowns, and can quickly feel overwhelming. Planning, vision, questions, leadership, community, timing, financial requirements, the list goes on. All these things can quickly feel like weight, until God gently reminds us that it’s He who builds His church. Since that night those words of promise have spoke deeply to me, and time and time again have removed from me the weight of things I am not intended to carry.

So, we are excited to keep dreaming, praying, and following God towards the planting of a church in the Comox Valley. Please pray with us. March 8th our whole team is getting together for a weekend of prayer and worship. We’ll be prayerfully sharing lives, vision, and seeking God for clear direction over the next months. Pray the we have ears to hear and eyes to see what it is God is wanting to do and say. Pray to for a covering over each of us and our families as we seek to obediently follow Christ in this. Already we’re clearly seeing that the plans of God are being met with the resistance of the enemy. We’re praying for the salvation and restoration of lives, and a chance to partner with those others in the Valley who long to see Jesus take back all the enemy has stolen. It makes sense that the enemy isn’t about to just ‘roll over’ and make room, and this leads us into deep places of intercession. Thank you for joining us there as we pursue God’s dream of a glorious church.

This songs has given words to my hearts prayer as we move forward, thought I’d share it with you (one of my new favorites.)

Happy New Year! I always find New Years to be a really exciting and significant time. Looking back at this past year has filled me with a deep sense of gratitude and wonder. A year ago we moved to Lethbridge to start a time of preparation at River of Life. The intention of our training was to prepare to move back to the Comox Valley and start a church there. I knew we were in for a life changing time here, and as I reflect on 2012 I am amazed at just how true God has been to His promises.

While the New Year is for me a chance to look back, it is also full of great hope and excitement as I look forward to the new year ahead. In a way it feels like a fresh start, a time of new beginnings and unending possibilities. This year I feel these things even more than I typically do. My hope and anticipation for what 2013 holds is overwhelming. For the first half of this year we continue in our preparation here in Lethbridge, at the same time a new season has started. We are starting now to work in a focused way towards establishing a church in the Comox Valley. God has brought together an incredible lead team and I can see in them such a shared vision and excitement for what’s coming. As well there are a number of people looking to join us as a community when we get back. God has clearly reminded us that ‘He will build His church’ and it has been exciting and freeing to see Him so faithfully doing that already.

I’m so excited about what God is doing, and can’t wait to share the adventure as it unfolds. Please join us in prayer as we seek to walk this journey out in an obedient and faithful way. Pray for the Lord’s provision as we continue to trust Him for all we need. Pray for our lead team as each of them prepare their lives and hearts for this new adventure (physically, spiritually, financially, etc.) Finally, pray for the church in the Valley… pray that God would prepare the way for this new church, and a place for it in the Valley and in the larger body of Christ faithfully serving there already.

It’s been a couple weeks since I returned from my trip to India. It would be impossible to sum the experience up in a blog post, but I will say it was pretty amazing. I went to India with a lot of anticipation in my heart. God had shown me He was about to do something incredible in and through me as I went. The trip did not disappoint, in fact it far exceeded my expectations in the most significant ways.

We stood out just a little in Inida

Some of the pastors at the conference

Playing with these guys was amazing!

We spent a week in Siliguri at a conference with 900 people who had traveled to the conference from all over north east India. They came with such a ready excitement and hunger, and God poured out on us that week in some pretty life changing ways. People were physically healed, spiritually set free, and all of us were filled with such a deep heart of worship and thanksgiving. As people came expecting and ready to respond to God in repentance and with willing hearts, He powerfully poured out His spirit. It was such a privillage to be in the midst of all this, and the impact on my life and faith was significant. As well, as we were pouring into lives for 11-12 hours a day, God was masterfully stealing me away in moments to tend to my heart personally. The lessons and insights that He gave to me in that week will leave me changed for the rest of my life.

After our week in Siliguri we traveled to Dehradun where we got to spend 3 days with the Vineyard church there. Sunny and Vikali Gilbert are the pastors there, and what a beautiful community they’re leading! We met some of the most outstanding young people, all with such a passion for Christ and His church. I was able to really pour into their worship players/leaders and to play with them at their service Sunday morning. This time was such an answer to a long standing invitation from Sunny to “bring what God has given to me to India.” So quickly my heart was knit with this church, and Sunny and I talked about what it would look like to walk closely together as ‘sister churches’ when we plant on the Island this summer. I’m not sure exactly what that will look like, but have a deep excitement to see our church plant in the Comox Valley walk a close journey with Sunny and his crew.

Sunny and Vkali – Pastors at the Vineyard in Dehradun

Sunny and I in the Mountians

Bhupender Nath and his family. Bhupender is an incredible worship leader in India

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your prayers, financial support, and incredibly encouraging words both leading up to and during my time in India. We’re praying very seriously about heading back in February already! If we can go I would spend time with an incredible pastor and his young worship leaders in Darjeeling (about an hours drive from the conference centre in Siliguri.) As well, Todd and I are hoping to travel back to Dehradun to do some leadership training with Sunny and his young leaders. Not sure where it’s all headed, but I know that God has opened a door to an adventure that is far from over. Praying for wisdom and direction as we approach the future with open hands and heart.

I’ve been in India now for five days and it’s been incredible. We are in Siliguri at a conference where about 800+ people have gathered to worship, be taught, and receive form God. These people are so hungry for a touch from God, and I have been inspired by their faith and experience. Many of these people come from Hindu backgrounds, and have made a very costly decision to turn from Hinduism to Jesus after they saw God do miraculous things in and around them. The stories of healing and freedom are incredible, and it’s been an honour to pray with many who have been experiencing deep encounters with God in response to their hunger and need of Him.

I wanted to share one of the stories from my trip so far. Last night after Todd spoke we were praying over people and God was obviously at work. Many people were experiencing Him in some pretty obvious and powerful ways. I saw a boy (probably about 11 years old) with a tensor bandage around his right wrist. I asked him what was wrong and with broken English he explained that he’d sprained his wrist and it was quite painful. I asked if I could pray for healing and he said I could. I prayed asking God to heal his wrist and then asked him if it felt any different. He told me that it maybe felt a little better (I could tell that not much had changed.) I knew in my heart that God wanted to heal in this moment, and so I prayed a second time. After this prayer I asked the boy again how his wrist felt. He began to move it and his eyes became as big as saucers! “It’s better!” he said. Immediately I looked him in his eyes and with great faith declared “Your God is a healer!” I have to say it was pretty cool to see him later that day without the tensor bandage on.

I share this story not only because it’s amazing in itself, but also to let you know what God is doing in my heart and life. This morning while reflecting on that healing in prayer, God flipped the script and suddenly I saw that young man’s eyes and felt God looking into mine saying “Chad, your God is a healer.” I can remember praying for people and seeing them healed when I was a little boy. Since my faith in this area has been small, but I know that this week God is working to restore me to a place of faith. God told me this trip would be a time of restoration and a discovery of who I am in deeper ways. This story is one example of how He’s already been true to this promise (and we’re only half way through the trip).

Excited for all that God has this week, and I pray that God would speak to you today the things of His heart and intention for your life. That He would fill your heart with faith, and a hunger to not settle for anything less than what He has for you.

Hard to believe it, but at 9pm tonight we’ll board a plane to India. 27 hours and three planes later we’ll arrive at the Bagdogra airport and head to the missions compound where we’ll meet up with 1200-1500 pastors and church leaders from around Northern India. I am quietly excited and full of a deep anticipation for what God has in store. I embark on this trip prayerfully knowing that I will need God’s strength body, soul, and spirit. I am so grateful to be heading out so covered by many of you in prayer. In addition, I’ve been prayed over by 5 different groups this week and know that the power of prayer will bring about great things as God responds to the cries of our heart.

Specifically I am praying for God’s covering and presence over my life as I go. I am praying for eyes and ears, and for a heart that is in step with His at every turn. As well, I really feel that God wants to teach me some deep things about Him and about who I am in the next couple weeks. Knowing this has me really excited and alert for any way that He might want to speak. Pray that I’ve got the ability to really engage both in the corporate times of worship, teaching, and ministry. Pray too for times of solitude in the midst of everything – times where I can really listen and process the things God is saying and doing in and around me.

Can’t wait to share the love of Jesus with those who love Him in India. Will do my best to share the journey as it happens (internet is limited), but will look forward to sharing when we get back after the 21st.

Come Holy Spirit, For Jesus Christ Sake.